Where did you get a picture of my penis
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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