Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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