My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I love you.
Bad choice
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
