I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
