I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So much rum. So many feels.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
