Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
