so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
