I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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