I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
