My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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