Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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