Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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