happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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