Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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