Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
