There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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