please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
