I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
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