WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
