i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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