make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
