I need help removing her.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
