So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
