It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
