So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
