I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
