It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
