dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
