I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
