they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
