Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
