Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
