have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize