my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
