just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
