people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
