Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
