About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
