The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
