Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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