i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
