I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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