So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
