a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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