You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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