My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
