All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize