"it" just moved
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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