just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
