the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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