So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
