Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
