Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize