I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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