sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
