he thought i was a dude.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize