I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
