Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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