I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
