Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
