saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
