Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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