Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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