So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
