we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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