Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
