i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
