dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
