Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
