He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
