I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
