She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
